1 00:00:03,709 --> 00:00:05,710 Living in an old house has its challenges. 2 00:00:05,728 --> 00:00:07,378 Like how the water won't run 3 00:00:07,396 --> 00:00:09,597 while the washing machine is on its rinse cycle. 4 00:00:11,884 --> 00:00:13,718 Spin cycle! 5 00:00:15,638 --> 00:00:17,822 And the air conditioner won't kick on 6 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,542 unless the thermostat inks it's 125 degrees. 7 00:00:20,593 --> 00:00:21,993 Ow, it's burning my thumb. 8 00:00:22,011 --> 00:00:23,494 Just power through it. 9 00:00:23,512 --> 00:00:24,929 Or having to learn the combination 10 00:00:24,964 --> 00:00:26,664 to open the front door that sticks. 11 00:00:26,682 --> 00:00:27,665 Hurry. 12 00:00:27,683 --> 00:00:29,184 I'm trying. 13 00:00:29,218 --> 00:00:30,719 It's push, twist left, pull, twist right, 14 00:00:30,770 --> 00:00:32,520 lift and open, right? 15 00:00:32,555 --> 00:00:34,389 No, no, no, that's the back door! 16 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,975 The front door is twist left, pull, twist right, lift, stomp. 17 00:00:40,112 --> 00:00:42,947 But that's just part of living in an old house. 18 00:00:42,982 --> 00:00:44,515 And the longer you live there, 19 00:00:44,533 --> 00:00:46,951 the more it all just becomes normal. 20 00:00:48,404 --> 00:00:51,222 I'm waiting for the spin cycle. 21 00:00:51,256 --> 00:00:53,308 I think this is the first time 22 00:00:53,359 --> 00:00:56,094 I've ever seen your meat whistle, Burt. 23 00:00:56,112 --> 00:00:57,729 I believe that's true. 24 00:00:57,763 --> 00:00:59,814 Not a fan. 25 00:01:04,269 --> 00:01:05,820 ♪ Whoo! ♪ 26 00:01:05,871 --> 00:01:09,457 ♪ Here we go, oh, oh, oh, 27 00:01:09,492 --> 00:01:11,292 ♪ Daddy-o, oh, oh, oh ♪ 28 00:01:11,327 --> 00:01:15,964 ♪ Birth control, no, no, no ♪ 29 00:01:15,998 --> 00:01:18,583 ♪ Let it roll, oh, oh, oh ♪ 30 00:01:18,617 --> 00:01:21,336 ♪ Oh ♪ 31 00:01:21,387 --> 00:01:22,587 ♪ Oh... ♪ 32 00:01:22,621 --> 00:01:25,090 ♪ Whoo! ♪ 33 00:01:25,124 --> 00:01:27,142 ♪ Here we go, oh, oh, oh ♪ 34 00:01:27,176 --> 00:01:29,878 ♪ Whoa, oh, oh! ♪ 35 00:01:30,656 --> 00:01:34,156 Raising Hope S03 Ep01 - Not Indecent, but Not Quite... 36 00:01:35,132 --> 00:01:39,332 Sync, corrections by dr.jackson for www.addic7ed.com 37 00:01:40,573 --> 00:01:43,024 Hey... 38 00:01:43,075 --> 00:01:48,446 We are so, so, very, very, very sorry for your loss. 39 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,481 Thanks for using your funeral voice, 40 00:01:50,499 --> 00:01:52,617 but nobody really cared for my grandmother. 41 00:01:52,651 --> 00:01:55,703 Well, we wanted to be here for you. 42 00:01:55,755 --> 00:01:57,172 And Jimmy said there might be shrimp? 43 00:01:57,206 --> 00:01:58,339 Help yourself. 44 00:01:58,374 --> 00:01:59,674 Oh, hey. 45 00:01:59,708 --> 00:02:00,875 Hey. 46 00:02:00,926 --> 00:02:01,793 Oh, you brought Maw Maw. 47 00:02:01,827 --> 00:02:02,961 Where's the body? 48 00:02:02,995 --> 00:02:04,829 Oh, it's in the kitchen. 49 00:02:04,847 --> 00:02:06,664 She was worried people wouldn't pay their respects up-close, 50 00:02:06,682 --> 00:02:08,516 so she surrounded herself with the buffet. 51 00:02:10,502 --> 00:02:12,303 Good idea. 52 00:02:12,337 --> 00:02:13,948 You, at my funeral, 53 00:02:13,974 --> 00:02:17,508 fill my bellybutton with ranch dressing, 54 00:02:17,526 --> 00:02:19,310 so people will have to dip their carrot sticks in there. 55 00:02:19,344 --> 00:02:20,845 I'm gonna write that down. 56 00:02:20,863 --> 00:02:22,147 Okay. 57 00:02:22,181 --> 00:02:23,347 Is your mother here yet? 58 00:02:23,365 --> 00:02:24,816 She's around here somewhere. 59 00:02:24,850 --> 00:02:26,484 Give me something to talk to her about. 60 00:02:26,518 --> 00:02:28,203 Talk about her. She's a big fan. 61 00:02:28,237 --> 00:02:30,071 She went to India and she picked up yoga. 62 00:02:30,122 --> 00:02:32,157 Yoga? I don't know anything about yoga. 63 00:02:32,191 --> 00:02:33,524 Did she pick up anything else in India? 64 00:02:33,542 --> 00:02:34,459 Diarrhea. 65 00:02:35,861 --> 00:02:37,879 Okay. Good. 66 00:02:37,913 --> 00:02:39,864 I've got a strong five minutes on diarrhea. 67 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:47,889 Make sure you bury me in a dress like this. 68 00:02:47,923 --> 00:02:49,373 It looks custom-made. 69 00:02:49,391 --> 00:02:51,009 I'll try to find you one kinda like it. 70 00:02:51,043 --> 00:02:53,061 Not kinda like it. Just like it. 71 00:02:53,095 --> 00:02:54,762 And don't forget to wrap my head in tin foil 72 00:02:54,814 --> 00:02:56,347 so worms don't get in. 73 00:02:56,381 --> 00:02:57,932 Yeah, I already told you I'm not doing that. 74 00:02:57,983 --> 00:02:59,601 It's weird and it's a waste of foil. 75 00:02:59,652 --> 00:03:01,686 I'm not taping one of your eyes open either. 76 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,938 Oh, come on, that'll be hilarious. 77 00:03:14,066 --> 00:03:15,283 Mm... 78 00:03:15,334 --> 00:03:17,919 Mom, this is my boyfriend Jimmy. 79 00:03:17,953 --> 00:03:20,955 Jimmy, this is my mother, who is so self-involved that, 80 00:03:21,006 --> 00:03:22,790 though I have now said your name twice, 81 00:03:22,842 --> 00:03:24,792 I bet she has no idea what it is. 82 00:03:24,844 --> 00:03:26,427 Jimmy. 83 00:03:26,462 --> 00:03:27,545 Still doesn't. 84 00:03:27,579 --> 00:03:29,580 Let's not do this. Not today. 85 00:03:29,598 --> 00:03:31,749 Your grandmother is dead. 86 00:03:31,767 --> 00:03:32,967 We should be celebrating. 87 00:03:33,018 --> 00:03:36,087 I may not have been the perfect mother, 88 00:03:36,105 --> 00:03:39,390 but I was a hell of a lot better to you than Nana was to me. 89 00:03:39,424 --> 00:03:41,943 That woman once elbowed me in the nose 90 00:03:41,977 --> 00:03:44,562 because I was talking during Wimbledon. 91 00:03:44,596 --> 00:03:45,947 When you were 12, 92 00:03:45,981 --> 00:03:47,615 did Nana leave you alone for a weekend 93 00:03:47,650 --> 00:03:49,784 so she could fly to Vegas with her boyfriend? 94 00:03:49,818 --> 00:03:52,487 Hey, you don't know Richard Dawson 95 00:03:52,538 --> 00:03:56,241 because he's dead now, but he used to be a big deal. 96 00:03:56,275 --> 00:04:00,078 So, India. 97 00:04:00,112 --> 00:04:03,665 I hear that place can be a real bummer on the tummy. 98 00:04:03,716 --> 00:04:06,818 Is my daughter dating you to hurt me? 99 00:04:06,852 --> 00:04:08,419 I hope not. 100 00:04:08,453 --> 00:04:10,288 Right before I die, I want to be frozen 101 00:04:10,306 --> 00:04:12,090 so they can bring me back 102 00:04:12,124 --> 00:04:14,008 after they discover the cure for whatever disease I had. 103 00:04:14,059 --> 00:04:16,761 And, of course, the cure for being frozen to death. 104 00:04:16,795 --> 00:04:18,429 Frozen, huh? What do they call that? 105 00:04:18,463 --> 00:04:20,265 Cryogenics. 106 00:04:20,299 --> 00:04:22,100 I thought cryogenics was a religion. 107 00:04:22,134 --> 00:04:24,769 No, no, no, you're thinking of Science-ology. 108 00:04:24,803 --> 00:04:26,688 It's that religion that writer started. 109 00:04:26,739 --> 00:04:28,973 L... more Leonard. 110 00:04:28,991 --> 00:04:31,109 And they use their science to freeze you 111 00:04:31,143 --> 00:04:32,777 and bring you back to life, huh? 112 00:04:32,811 --> 00:04:34,312 We should look into that. 113 00:04:34,330 --> 00:04:35,313 Guys, I think the conversation may have taken 114 00:04:35,331 --> 00:04:36,698 a wrong turn somewhere. 115 00:04:36,749 --> 00:04:38,700 If everybody could come to the living room, 116 00:04:38,751 --> 00:04:41,152 my grandmother had a video she made before she died, 117 00:04:41,170 --> 00:04:42,320 she wanted everyone to watch. 118 00:04:44,373 --> 00:04:46,174 Yeah, she didn't think anybody was gonna want 119 00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:48,710 to do that either, so she put a chocolate fountain in there. 120 00:04:48,761 --> 00:04:50,011 Hmm, chocolate fountain. 121 00:04:50,045 --> 00:04:50,995 That's a great idea. 122 00:04:51,013 --> 00:04:52,013 Come on. 123 00:04:52,047 --> 00:04:53,548 Hm! 124 00:04:58,354 --> 00:04:59,787 Hello, everyone. 125 00:04:59,822 --> 00:05:02,506 In case you're shedding any tears for me, 126 00:05:02,524 --> 00:05:04,225 please don't. 127 00:05:04,276 --> 00:05:07,478 By the time you see this, I'm going to be in Heaven 128 00:05:07,512 --> 00:05:09,397 getting plowed by my dead husband. 129 00:05:09,448 --> 00:05:12,483 When he sees me wearing his favorite dress, 130 00:05:12,517 --> 00:05:16,237 I'm going to knock his halo off. 131 00:05:16,288 --> 00:05:18,423 I guess some of you are curious as to what 132 00:05:18,457 --> 00:05:20,008 I'm going to do with my money. 133 00:05:20,042 --> 00:05:23,711 Hello, Tamara. 134 00:05:23,746 --> 00:05:25,179 Now, how would I know that 135 00:05:25,214 --> 00:05:27,832 you would be in the most comfortable chair? 136 00:05:27,866 --> 00:05:29,667 Because I know you like the back of my hand. 137 00:05:29,701 --> 00:05:31,002 You're a spoiled brat. 138 00:05:31,036 --> 00:05:33,871 You have no respect for marriage or money 139 00:05:33,889 --> 00:05:35,723 and because of tt, 140 00:05:35,758 --> 00:05:37,342 you get nothing. 141 00:05:37,376 --> 00:05:39,861 I hate you. I hate you, too. 142 00:05:39,895 --> 00:05:42,397 All of the cash I have will be donated 143 00:05:42,431 --> 00:05:44,349 to a non-profit organization 144 00:05:44,383 --> 00:05:49,404 dedicated to getting rid of non-profit organizations. 145 00:05:49,438 --> 00:05:51,756 The only thing left is this house. 146 00:05:51,790 --> 00:05:54,558 And I've decided to give it to the only relative 147 00:05:54,576 --> 00:05:56,778 who hasn't broken my heart by getting a divorce: 148 00:05:56,829 --> 00:05:58,913 Sabrina. 149 00:06:00,282 --> 00:06:01,532 As soon as you get married, 150 00:06:01,566 --> 00:06:04,669 you can move in and start a family. 151 00:06:13,345 --> 00:06:15,213 Rest in peace, sweetheart. 152 00:06:15,247 --> 00:06:16,848 See you on the other side. 153 00:06:17,848 --> 00:06:19,748 I don't know why we can't talk about this! 154 00:06:19,778 --> 00:06:20,745 Just stop it! 155 00:06:20,779 --> 00:06:22,613 Jimmy, you saw that house. 156 00:06:22,631 --> 00:06:24,782 The sooner you two are married, the sooner we can all move in. 157 00:06:25,842 --> 00:06:27,175 That sounded a little like 158 00:06:27,210 --> 00:06:28,176 you think you're gonna live there, too. 159 00:06:28,211 --> 00:06:29,444 Uh, yeah. 160 00:06:29,479 --> 00:06:30,445 Jimmy lived here for 25 years. 161 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,114 He owes us. 162 00:06:32,148 --> 00:06:33,431 This isn't your house. It's Maw Maw's. 163 00:06:33,449 --> 00:06:34,950 Shh! 164 00:06:34,984 --> 00:06:36,101 And I would like to live in it alone 165 00:06:36,119 --> 00:06:37,536 just once, before I die. 166 00:06:37,570 --> 00:06:39,988 So hurry up and ask that long-haired pretty boy 167 00:06:40,039 --> 00:06:42,040 to marry you before the Republicans get back in office 168 00:06:42,075 --> 00:06:44,209 and make it a sin. 169 00:06:44,243 --> 00:06:46,828 Maw Maw, I'm not telling you this again: I'm a woman. 170 00:06:46,879 --> 00:06:48,997 And I'm not telling you this again: 171 00:06:49,048 --> 00:06:50,949 Show me your vagina and I'll believe you. 172 00:06:50,967 --> 00:06:52,718 No! Burt showed me his. 173 00:06:54,687 --> 00:06:57,022 I know that sounded like I have a vagina. 174 00:06:57,056 --> 00:06:58,006 I don't. 175 00:06:58,057 --> 00:06:59,057 She's referring to... 176 00:06:59,092 --> 00:07:01,343 I was peeing the other day... 177 00:07:01,394 --> 00:07:02,995 I'll explain later. 178 00:07:03,029 --> 00:07:05,330 Now, look, since they brought it up, 179 00:07:05,364 --> 00:07:07,382 it is a nice house, 180 00:07:07,417 --> 00:07:10,035 and I mean, it's not like we never talked about... 181 00:07:10,053 --> 00:07:11,169 No, no, no, no, Jimmy. 182 00:07:11,203 --> 00:07:13,005 No. 183 00:07:13,039 --> 00:07:15,757 Listen, my whole life I've had to worry about people 184 00:07:15,808 --> 00:07:18,176 liking me for my family's money. 185 00:07:18,210 --> 00:07:20,178 Look, you fell in love with me for who I really am. 186 00:07:20,212 --> 00:07:24,266 I don't some stupid house to be the reason we got engaged. 187 00:07:24,317 --> 00:07:26,401 Then it won't be the reason. 188 00:07:26,436 --> 00:07:28,020 You guys are being selfish. 189 00:07:28,054 --> 00:07:29,438 What about Hope? 190 00:07:29,489 --> 00:07:31,222 She'd be in a better school district. 191 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,058 You really want her going to the same schools Jimmy went to? 192 00:07:33,076 --> 00:07:35,110 Mom, my schools weren't not that bad. 193 00:07:35,161 --> 00:07:37,245 Name four consonants. 194 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,448 America, Europe, Mexico, and the North Pole. 195 00:07:39,499 --> 00:07:39,999 Is that right? 196 00:07:40,025 --> 00:07:41,533 I don't know. I went to the same schools. 197 00:07:41,567 --> 00:07:43,952 Mom, just drop it, okay? 198 00:07:44,003 --> 00:07:46,254 I didn't even think about the schools. 199 00:07:46,289 --> 00:07:47,956 I mean, it's good. 200 00:07:48,007 --> 00:07:49,875 It's where I went. 201 00:07:49,909 --> 00:07:52,744 It's not like I never thought about us getting married. 202 00:07:52,762 --> 00:07:55,247 So... 203 00:07:55,281 --> 00:07:57,215 I guess we should get married? 204 00:07:57,249 --> 00:08:00,418 It seems to make sense. 205 00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:01,586 Did we just get engaged? 206 00:08:01,604 --> 00:08:03,105 I think we did, yeah. 207 00:08:03,139 --> 00:08:05,223 Burt, go get the champagne I was saving for when Oprah 208 00:08:05,257 --> 00:08:08,226 comes crawling back to network TV. 209 00:08:08,260 --> 00:08:09,478 I mean, you want to do this, right? 210 00:08:09,529 --> 00:08:12,147 Oh, yeah, yeah, totally I do. 211 00:08:12,198 --> 00:08:15,100 Um, I think there's just... 212 00:08:15,118 --> 00:08:16,434 I guess when I dreamt about 213 00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:19,287 the man that I loved proposing to me, 214 00:08:19,322 --> 00:08:22,157 I think I might have thought I would feel something 215 00:08:22,208 --> 00:08:24,943 that I'd never felt before, but you know, 216 00:08:24,961 --> 00:08:26,845 it's just the house and I-I don't know... 217 00:08:26,879 --> 00:08:28,997 At least you're getting married for a house. 218 00:08:29,048 --> 00:08:31,449 When she got married, all she got was a ten-pound baby 219 00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:32,918 with a two-pound nose. 220 00:08:32,952 --> 00:08:34,836 Jimmy, you know what? 221 00:08:34,887 --> 00:08:36,471 All that really matters is that I love you. 222 00:08:36,506 --> 00:08:38,123 No. 223 00:08:38,141 --> 00:08:40,458 No, I want you to feel like you always dreamed 224 00:08:40,476 --> 00:08:41,927 you would feel when you got engaged. 225 00:08:41,961 --> 00:08:44,129 I can do better. I-I take back my proposal. 226 00:08:44,147 --> 00:08:45,180 No, Jimmy, really it's fine. 227 00:08:45,231 --> 00:08:47,516 Please, let me try again. 228 00:08:47,567 --> 00:08:48,817 I want to do this right. 229 00:08:48,851 --> 00:08:51,520 Okay. Fine. 230 00:08:51,571 --> 00:08:52,938 We're no longer engaged. 231 00:08:52,972 --> 00:08:54,272 Thanks. 232 00:08:54,306 --> 00:08:56,307 Whoo-hoo! Yeah! 233 00:08:56,993 --> 00:08:59,277 Oh! 234 00:08:59,311 --> 00:09:00,979 They're not engaged anymore. 235 00:09:00,997 --> 00:09:02,697 Seriously? 236 00:09:04,316 --> 00:09:07,035 Well, help me find the cork. 237 00:09:18,648 --> 00:09:21,016 The first step was to find out what kind of proposal 238 00:09:21,050 --> 00:09:24,136 Sabrina had always dreamed up without asking her. 239 00:09:24,170 --> 00:09:25,804 Oh, and then when we were 11, 240 00:09:25,838 --> 00:09:27,689 she wanted it to be at a surprise party surrounded 241 00:09:27,723 --> 00:09:29,641 by friends and family. 242 00:09:29,675 --> 00:09:33,311 She also thinks a Jumbo-tron proposal'd be cool. 243 00:09:33,345 --> 00:09:35,981 It's in her diary: page 82. 244 00:09:36,015 --> 00:09:38,984 Oh, and then she went through a "guy on a white horse" phase 245 00:09:39,018 --> 00:09:42,904 in high school, and that was followed by a skywriting phase. 246 00:09:42,955 --> 00:09:45,690 Her diary never mentions horses or skywriting. 247 00:09:45,708 --> 00:09:47,358 She does talk about some creepy guy at work. 248 00:09:47,376 --> 00:09:50,028 I think it's Chet. 249 00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:57,335 Hey, Mom, check out my profile page. 250 00:09:57,369 --> 00:09:59,004 I finally got my new gal pal to stand still 251 00:09:59,038 --> 00:10:00,222 long enough for a photo. 252 00:10:06,062 --> 00:10:07,929 So, what do you think? 253 00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:09,214 I vote for skywriting. 254 00:10:09,232 --> 00:10:10,432 White horse. Jumbo-tron. 255 00:10:10,483 --> 00:10:12,383 What? No way! 256 00:10:12,401 --> 00:10:13,902 I wanted it to be perfect 257 00:10:13,936 --> 00:10:16,087 but she wanted so many different things, 258 00:10:16,122 --> 00:10:18,690 which was I supposed to do? 259 00:10:18,724 --> 00:10:20,609 I got it. 260 00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:21,776 Good! 261 00:10:21,828 --> 00:10:23,745 This was beginning to bore me. 262 00:10:23,779 --> 00:10:26,448 By the way, if you're going with the white horse, 263 00:10:26,499 --> 00:10:28,900 I think I can get that for you. 264 00:10:28,918 --> 00:10:31,269 We're talking about heroin, right? 265 00:10:40,027 --> 00:10:41,894 He's gonna to ask you to marry him. 266 00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:42,895 Maw Maw! 267 00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:44,897 It's okay. 268 00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,649 When you asked me to go bowling but wear my nicest dress, 269 00:10:46,683 --> 00:10:48,017 I kinda knew something was up. 270 00:10:48,035 --> 00:10:49,151 Well, act surprised. 271 00:10:49,185 --> 00:10:50,236 He's really looking forward to this. 272 00:10:50,287 --> 00:10:53,322 Oh, crap, I lost a meatball. 273 00:10:53,356 --> 00:10:54,407 Virginia? 274 00:10:54,458 --> 00:10:56,409 I'm looking. 275 00:10:56,443 --> 00:10:59,912 This is why I told you to go with the pork chop! 276 00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:03,499 From now on, flat food only in the car. 277 00:11:03,533 --> 00:11:05,001 I don't know if I can do this, Virginia. 278 00:11:05,035 --> 00:11:06,168 What do you mean? You already said yes. 279 00:11:06,202 --> 00:11:07,720 This is just for fun. 280 00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:10,706 Yeah, I know, but he wants me to feel something 281 00:11:10,724 --> 00:11:12,258 that I never felt before and I just... 282 00:11:12,309 --> 00:11:13,759 I don't think that's going to happen. 283 00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:14,760 Virginia. 284 00:11:14,811 --> 00:11:16,378 I'm looking. 285 00:11:16,396 --> 00:11:19,065 I know he that loves me and he's not asking me 286 00:11:19,099 --> 00:11:21,050 to marry him because of a house, but there's no doubt 287 00:11:21,068 --> 00:11:23,736 that he's asking me right now because of a house. 288 00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,905 I think my grandmother's ruined this for me. 289 00:11:27,107 --> 00:11:29,158 Well, then you gotta fake it. 290 00:11:29,726 --> 00:11:30,693 Mmm. 291 00:11:30,727 --> 00:11:31,744 - What? - Look... 292 00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:34,530 sometimes they work 293 00:11:34,564 --> 00:11:36,282 and work and work 294 00:11:36,333 --> 00:11:39,368 and they want you to feel something you never felt before, 295 00:11:39,402 --> 00:11:42,288 and you know there is no way you're ever gonna get there. 296 00:11:42,339 --> 00:11:45,574 So... you fake it. 297 00:11:45,592 --> 00:11:46,742 You do that? 298 00:11:48,411 --> 00:11:50,429 I love Mike and Molly, 299 00:11:50,464 --> 00:11:52,631 but Burt broke our VCR killing a spider, 300 00:11:52,682 --> 00:11:55,718 so if a show's getting close and I'm not, 301 00:11:55,752 --> 00:11:59,105 I just put on a little performance of my own. 302 00:11:59,139 --> 00:12:01,590 I faked it last night... 303 00:12:01,608 --> 00:12:03,476 and I was by myself. 304 00:12:03,527 --> 00:12:06,645 I blamed it on the arthritis, but... 305 00:12:06,696 --> 00:12:07,563 the truth is... 306 00:12:07,597 --> 00:12:11,617 I just lost interest. 307 00:12:11,651 --> 00:12:13,435 Okay. 308 00:12:13,453 --> 00:12:14,453 Ready? 309 00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:21,927 So, what do you say? 310 00:12:21,962 --> 00:12:24,279 Will you marry me? 311 00:12:25,165 --> 00:12:26,749 Yes, yeah! 312 00:12:26,783 --> 00:12:27,750 Yeah, Jimmy! 313 00:12:27,784 --> 00:12:29,969 Oh, my God, Jimmy! 314 00:12:30,003 --> 00:12:31,253 Jimmy, I want to marry you! 315 00:12:31,287 --> 00:12:32,671 I'm gonna marry you! 316 00:12:32,722 --> 00:12:33,923 I'm gonna marry you, yeah! 317 00:12:33,957 --> 00:12:36,509 Yes! Yes! Yes! 318 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:39,311 Yes, oh God, yes! 319 00:12:39,346 --> 00:12:40,646 Yeah. 320 00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:42,181 Wow... 321 00:12:42,232 --> 00:12:45,151 Jimmy just proposed the crap out of that girl. 322 00:12:45,185 --> 00:12:47,153 I told you I could do it. 323 00:12:52,242 --> 00:12:53,192 Pop. 324 00:12:53,243 --> 00:12:55,194 Whoo-hoo! 325 00:12:58,031 --> 00:13:01,117 After almost three years of being in love with Sabrina, 326 00:13:01,151 --> 00:13:03,485 I couldn't believe we were actually engaged. 327 00:13:03,503 --> 00:13:06,205 And Sabrina's mom seemed to be warming up to me. 328 00:13:06,256 --> 00:13:08,207 Kind of. 329 00:13:08,258 --> 00:13:10,209 Sabrina, Timmy... 330 00:13:10,260 --> 00:13:11,961 - Jimmy. - Jimmy. 331 00:13:11,995 --> 00:13:14,046 In a lot of ways, 332 00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:16,215 I don't think that you're good enough for my daughter. 333 00:13:22,055 --> 00:13:24,023 To Sabrina and Timmy. 334 00:13:24,057 --> 00:13:26,142 Jimmy. 335 00:13:26,176 --> 00:13:28,010 Most importantly, Sabrina and I 336 00:13:28,028 --> 00:13:30,012 were as happy as we've ever been. 337 00:13:33,450 --> 00:13:36,852 In lieu of words strung together to form sentences, 338 00:13:36,870 --> 00:13:39,405 I have prepared a slide show to celebrate the life 339 00:13:39,456 --> 00:13:41,423 of the bride and groom. 340 00:14:04,881 --> 00:14:06,265 Okay... 341 00:14:06,316 --> 00:14:09,451 those were supposed to go by a lot faster. 342 00:14:11,488 --> 00:14:13,772 Look, it's Insane Clown Wussy. 343 00:14:16,893 --> 00:14:18,527 We all go through phases, Dad. 344 00:14:18,561 --> 00:14:20,913 Ha! Speaking of phases. 345 00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:23,232 Hey, Mom, you remember that summer? 346 00:14:23,250 --> 00:14:25,034 I think that was the only summer 347 00:14:25,068 --> 00:14:26,452 you had your old nose and your new boobs. 348 00:14:28,922 --> 00:14:30,539 I'm just saying, 349 00:14:30,573 --> 00:14:33,459 I can't believe you got a boob job before a nose job. 350 00:14:35,795 --> 00:14:38,464 Your grandmother did this to my nose. 351 00:14:38,515 --> 00:14:42,551 I wanted her to see that it did not affect my self-esteem. 352 00:14:42,585 --> 00:14:46,755 But, in order for that to work, I needed much bigger boobs. 353 00:14:46,773 --> 00:14:49,725 Just stop coming on the boat with me and my friends, okay? 354 00:14:49,759 --> 00:14:51,393 No matter how big your new boobs are, 355 00:14:51,427 --> 00:14:53,262 the boys aren't going to hook up with you. 356 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:54,563 You're old. 357 00:14:54,597 --> 00:14:56,565 If the boat tips over, 358 00:14:56,599 --> 00:15:00,402 those boys are gonna be clinging to me for dear life. 359 00:15:00,436 --> 00:15:02,121 And I am not old. 360 00:15:02,155 --> 00:15:05,324 I can name every single character on Laguna Beach. 361 00:15:08,295 --> 00:15:09,795 Come on, man. 362 00:15:09,829 --> 00:15:11,080 You're in my math class. 363 00:15:11,114 --> 00:15:12,414 No, I'm not. 364 00:15:12,448 --> 00:15:15,000 I'm that guy's father, Burt Chance. 365 00:15:15,051 --> 00:15:16,919 Go ahead, ask me anything. 366 00:15:16,953 --> 00:15:19,755 I memorized it all. 367 00:15:19,789 --> 00:15:21,507 I'll take that beer. 368 00:15:21,558 --> 00:15:23,509 But I hate to drink alone. 369 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,511 Unless you think I'm too old. 370 00:15:35,305 --> 00:15:37,856 What are you wearing? 371 00:15:37,907 --> 00:15:39,158 I'm not sure. 372 00:15:39,192 --> 00:15:41,277 I got most of this at a yard sale. 373 00:15:41,311 --> 00:15:44,196 I think it's like a cool Goth back brace. 374 00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:45,781 It's a corset. 375 00:15:45,815 --> 00:15:47,166 Seriously? 376 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,535 Like, one of those old-timey bras they wore 377 00:15:49,586 --> 00:15:50,869 back when you were my age? 378 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,255 Get the hell out of my car! 379 00:16:04,889 --> 00:16:07,206 ♪ Hana loka mu's the word for bride ♪ 380 00:16:07,224 --> 00:16:09,392 ♪ Noka Nu is how you say groom ♪ 381 00:16:09,426 --> 00:16:13,263 ♪ And when the Hana loka mu meets the little Noka Nu ♪ 382 00:16:13,314 --> 00:16:16,266 ♪ They have a Takaniki honeymoon ♪ 383 00:16:16,317 --> 00:16:18,050 ♪ I don't actually know any Hawaiian ♪ 384 00:16:18,068 --> 00:16:20,904 ♪ And I just made up all those words ♪ 385 00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:22,906 ♪ But let's a raise a glass of booze ♪ 386 00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:25,942 ♪ For the upcoming nuptials and wish you ♪ 387 00:16:25,993 --> 00:16:28,394 ♪ A Nakiliki Mekaliki Maki Hoki Poo! ♪ 388 00:16:42,956 --> 00:16:44,190 What are you doing? 389 00:16:44,224 --> 00:16:47,710 Uh, your father wanted to take a bath 390 00:16:47,728 --> 00:16:50,630 and I lost an earring in the... 391 00:16:50,664 --> 00:16:52,214 Grown-up stuff. We're doing grown-up stuff. 392 00:16:52,232 --> 00:16:53,433 Well... 393 00:16:53,484 --> 00:16:54,984 don't get used to this house 394 00:16:55,018 --> 00:16:56,552 'cause I think just blew it for all of us. 395 00:16:56,570 --> 00:16:58,220 I made out with Sabrina's mom. 396 00:16:58,238 --> 00:17:00,773 Jimmy, do you know how inappropriate that is? 397 00:17:00,824 --> 00:17:02,742 The... 398 00:17:02,776 --> 00:17:04,327 What is going on in here? 399 00:17:04,361 --> 00:17:06,162 Look... 400 00:17:06,196 --> 00:17:08,247 you have got to get back out there and act normal. 401 00:17:08,282 --> 00:17:09,282 Act normal? 402 00:17:09,333 --> 00:17:11,100 Are you kidding me? 403 00:17:11,134 --> 00:17:13,770 You're gonna be my mother-in-law and seven years ago, 404 00:17:13,804 --> 00:17:16,355 we were making out in the back of a car. 405 00:17:16,407 --> 00:17:18,991 Just get it together. 406 00:17:19,026 --> 00:17:21,611 I am trying to have a better relationship with my daughter 407 00:17:21,645 --> 00:17:24,831 and that is never gonna happen if she finds out about this. 408 00:17:24,865 --> 00:17:27,316 So, if anyone asks what we were doing in here, 409 00:17:27,334 --> 00:17:30,336 let's all just say cocaine. 410 00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:37,009 My husband wasn't my first choice, but back then 411 00:17:37,044 --> 00:17:38,878 there was no way my parents were going to let me marry 412 00:17:38,929 --> 00:17:41,997 a Jewish guy or a black guy or a... or an Asian guy. 413 00:17:42,015 --> 00:17:45,551 I often wondered what happened to Wang. 414 00:17:45,602 --> 00:17:46,886 That was the black guy. 415 00:17:46,937 --> 00:17:50,223 His nickname was Wang. 416 00:17:53,009 --> 00:17:54,227 I don't know what to do. 417 00:17:54,278 --> 00:17:57,146 I can't lie to Sabrina. 418 00:17:57,180 --> 00:17:58,681 Don't be an idiot. 419 00:17:58,699 --> 00:18:01,317 You didn't know it was Sabrina's mother when it happened. 420 00:18:01,351 --> 00:18:03,202 It's seven years. 421 00:18:03,237 --> 00:18:05,571 You probably don't even remember what her fake boobs felt like. 422 00:18:05,622 --> 00:18:07,540 - Do ya? - Burt. 423 00:18:07,574 --> 00:18:10,376 Oh, come on. I got married at 17. 424 00:18:10,410 --> 00:18:12,411 The closest I ever got to a fake boob 425 00:18:12,463 --> 00:18:14,380 was going up Kathy Conklin's shirt and coming out 426 00:18:14,414 --> 00:18:16,549 with a plastic baggy full of mashed potatoes. 427 00:18:16,583 --> 00:18:18,050 I have to assume they've gotten better. 428 00:18:18,085 --> 00:18:20,536 Jimmy, you would only be telling Sabrina 429 00:18:20,554 --> 00:18:22,054 what happened to make yourself feel better. 430 00:18:22,089 --> 00:18:23,372 Think about Sabrina. 431 00:18:23,390 --> 00:18:25,057 How is she going to ever kiss you again 432 00:18:25,092 --> 00:18:27,226 knowing you made out with her mother? It's gross. 433 00:18:27,261 --> 00:18:28,895 So I'm supposed to go out there 434 00:18:28,929 --> 00:18:30,563 and act normal for the rest of the night? 435 00:18:30,597 --> 00:18:31,597 For the rest of my life? 436 00:18:31,648 --> 00:18:33,099 Yeah, fake it. 437 00:18:33,150 --> 00:18:35,067 The way Sabrina totally faked how happy she was 438 00:18:35,102 --> 00:18:36,352 when you proposed tonight. 439 00:18:36,386 --> 00:18:38,070 What? She wasn't faking it. 440 00:18:38,105 --> 00:18:40,723 Come on, she said your name a bunch of times, 441 00:18:40,741 --> 00:18:42,525 threw in a few "Oh Gods," 442 00:18:42,559 --> 00:18:44,277 did all your mother's Monday night moves. 443 00:18:44,328 --> 00:18:45,695 Wha...? I didn't... 444 00:18:45,729 --> 00:18:47,914 Can't believe she was faking it. 445 00:18:47,948 --> 00:18:49,398 She seemed so excited. 446 00:18:49,416 --> 00:18:51,400 She only faked it because she loves you. 447 00:18:51,418 --> 00:18:52,919 And that's why you need to fake it with her. 448 00:18:52,953 --> 00:18:55,404 So get out there and act like nothing's wrong. 449 00:18:58,342 --> 00:19:00,376 If you knew I fake it on Monday nights, 450 00:19:00,410 --> 00:19:01,911 why haven't you ever said anything? 451 00:19:01,929 --> 00:19:03,379 'Cause you put on a great show 452 00:19:03,413 --> 00:19:06,299 and then I get to watch Mike and Molly. 453 00:19:09,419 --> 00:19:12,271 And even though it started out with what they would call today 454 00:19:12,306 --> 00:19:16,609 a date rape, our marriage lasted 67 years. 455 00:19:16,643 --> 00:19:21,931 And, uh, since I suddenly can't remember where I am 456 00:19:21,949 --> 00:19:25,401 or who any of you people is, 457 00:19:25,435 --> 00:19:26,652 well, I'll just say "Happy New Year's." 458 00:19:28,104 --> 00:19:29,071 Happy New Year. 459 00:19:30,824 --> 00:19:32,491 Seven years ago, I made out with your mother 460 00:19:32,543 --> 00:19:33,492 in the back of a car. 461 00:19:34,995 --> 00:19:36,612 And I fiddled with her knockers a little. 462 00:19:38,215 --> 00:19:41,167 I am so sorry, all right? 463 00:19:41,218 --> 00:19:42,501 I just... I didn't want you to kiss me 464 00:19:42,553 --> 00:19:44,303 because I thought you might not want to kiss the guy 465 00:19:44,338 --> 00:19:45,504 who made out with your mother. 466 00:19:45,556 --> 00:19:47,139 Although, I mean, you have kissed the guy 467 00:19:47,174 --> 00:19:48,507 who made out with your mother, 468 00:19:48,559 --> 00:19:49,926 you just, you just didn't know it. 469 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:50,977 Look, I didn't know it. 470 00:19:51,011 --> 00:19:52,261 I just found out when I watched the video 471 00:19:52,295 --> 00:19:53,479 that I'd made out with your mother. 472 00:19:53,513 --> 00:19:55,081 Is it just me or is he saying the words 473 00:19:55,115 --> 00:19:57,083 "I made out with your mother" way more than he needs to? 474 00:19:57,117 --> 00:19:58,768 Yeah, I don't know why he's doing that. 475 00:19:58,802 --> 00:20:01,604 You know, I'm sure that he has brushed his teeth a whole bunch 476 00:20:01,638 --> 00:20:02,855 since then, sweetheart. 477 00:20:02,906 --> 00:20:04,357 And, also, the boobs that he grabbed, 478 00:20:04,408 --> 00:20:06,108 they're not even mine anymore. 479 00:20:06,142 --> 00:20:08,277 After the recall, your Uncle Andy turned them 480 00:20:08,311 --> 00:20:09,695 into an art piece for Nana. 481 00:20:13,834 --> 00:20:15,368 Go ahead. 482 00:20:15,419 --> 00:20:16,953 I'm sorry. 483 00:20:16,987 --> 00:20:18,454 I just love you so much 484 00:20:18,488 --> 00:20:20,122 that I didn't want to spend 485 00:20:20,156 --> 00:20:23,342 the rest of my life keeping any secrets from you. 486 00:20:23,377 --> 00:20:27,513 So, if you don't want to marry me, you don't have to. 487 00:20:27,547 --> 00:20:29,048 But I want to marry you. 488 00:20:29,099 --> 00:20:31,050 Really badly. 489 00:20:31,101 --> 00:20:35,521 So... I'm gonna ask you again. 490 00:20:35,555 --> 00:20:38,024 Will you marry me? 491 00:20:39,559 --> 00:20:43,529 Yes. 492 00:20:48,735 --> 00:20:49,902 By being willing to lose everything, 493 00:20:49,953 --> 00:20:51,704 I was able to show Sabrina 494 00:20:51,738 --> 00:20:53,406 I loved her 100% for who she was 495 00:20:53,457 --> 00:20:55,591 and give her the feeling 496 00:20:55,626 --> 00:20:57,860 she's been waiting for her whole life. 497 00:20:57,878 --> 00:21:00,913 And she didn't have to fake it. 498 00:21:05,469 --> 00:21:07,336 And we weren't the only ones who weren't going 499 00:21:07,370 --> 00:21:08,804 to fake it anymore. 500 00:21:14,544 --> 00:21:17,880 All right, we are recording Mike and Molly, 501 00:21:18,498 --> 00:21:20,431 so you can take as much time as you need. 502 00:21:20,644 --> 00:21:22,211 But try to not take too much time, 503 00:21:22,237 --> 00:21:24,653 I'm recording over some of my favorite karate movies. 504 00:21:25,566 --> 00:21:30,566 Sync, corrections by dr.jackson for www.addic7ed.com